The Hogshead, the Secrets of the Order, and Dolores
by GraceBe
Summary: Minerva McGonagall and some members of the Order of the Phoenix meet in the Hogshead - and chaos ensues. There's also a hint of romance for our favourite Transfiguarion teacher :-) rated T to be safe.


***I found this puppy in some old folders of mine. It's not betated, so please, be patient with my grammar.***

 **The Hogshead, the Secrets of the Order, and Dolores**

"Damn it, Aberforth! When will you ever clean this filthy joint of yours?" Minerva McGonagall barked, when she entered the Hogshead after an afternoon that had been far from vividly successful. Aberforth, already used to her temper and her bad moods, didn't even care to face her when he answered, "There's a red cross on my calender – on 30th February."

"With this kind of attitude you'll never get any decent guest that's willing to pay more than a few sickles for a lousy, watered drink!" she returned sharply and climbed on the stool in front of the bar. The taproom as dirty as it was, was deserted and since the word "Closed" was written in crocked letters all over the door and Aberforth had additionally charmed the place so that it was protected from unwanted visitors, there was no risk to be disturbed by unwanted company.

"You're one of my guests. What should that tell me?" he asked and turned, wiping his hands in an old towel. He established eyes contact with her, but Minerva wasn't in the mood for games.

Unwilling to grant him an answer, she stretched out her hand, silently demanding the towel. He handed it over with a sigh and asked, "Drink?"

"Firewhiskey," she ordered and he raised one eyebrow over the edge of his dirty glasses. He watched her amused while she did her best to clean the bar, but gave up and used her wand instead.

"So bad, eh? What did old Umbridge to do you today?"

"Don't you dare mention the name of that ghastly creature!" she snapped and threw the towel back into Aberforth's direction.

"That bad. I see," he grinned deviously at her, but did as told and poured her a large whiskey.

"Even worse, I would say."

Minerva rolled her eyes in annoyance, as Severus Snape's dark voice reached her ear. "He's what I needed," she snarled into her glass.

"You're early, Professor," Snape greeted her and took the seat next to hers. "Whiskey," he ordered into Aberforth's direction and said to Minerva. "I wonder why."

"I thought the staff room was a bit overcrowded," she answered stiffly and emptied her glass swiftly.

"I didn't see anyone but... well, let me think, there was Professor Flitwick, and you, and me..." he snarled and added with a scornful smile, "And Professor Umbridge, but I understand you didn't exactly crave for her company, after her latest decision. Sacking Potter and the Wesleay twins from the team... pity for good old Gryffindor."

Minerva who had listened to him with a forced, yet crumbling composure and an unmoved face, turned her face towards Snape and Aberforth stepped instinctively a step back, afraid the sparks in Minerva's eyes could burn him.

"Oh shut up, Severus! You know damn well, Malfoy deserved to be barbecued like a pig on a stick for his stupid and undignified behaviour! He can be happy I'm not responsible for him!"

Snape shrugged, still amused, "Potter lost his temper – again. He got what he deserved and the same goes for the Weasleys."

"A lifelong ban from Quidditch because of a teenage row. I've never heard something so stupid!" Minerva barked and added with her index finger threateningly close to his crocked nose, "And the next time you'll think twice before you give Potter zero points for his work, because you let it disappear before you can give him mark while other's get away with an E for something that would kill Filch's cat! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!"

If Aberforth hadn't known it any better, he would say, Snape was actually afraid of McGonagall, because the closer her finger came to his face, the more he withdraw and almost fell from his stool.

"All right, Professor. Calm down, I'm not the enemy."

"Pah!" Minerva shifted in her seat and demanded a new whiskey. "The next time Dolores Umbridge crosses my way with another educational degree I can't be hold accountable for my actions. I swear you, she only convinced Fudge to invent a new one, because she wants to infuriate me!"

"It certainly appears that she dislikes you the most from us teachers – Dumbledore and Trelawney aside. I wonder where this animosity has its roots," Snape mused.

"I don't know what you mean," Minerva told him swiftly.

With a loud crash and among coughing and groaning someone crashed through the fireplace and ended on the dirty stone floor. Minerva jerked around, startled, but Snape watched the figure on the floor with cold indifference.

"And I thought a werewolf knew how to end on its feet," Snape said sarcastically and sipped his drink.

"You better talk to a cat if you want to know how to end on your feet," Remus Lupin answered while getting back on his feet. "Sorry for my loud arrival, but it's not easy to travel these days. I had to use Fudge's chimney to get here."

"What did you do at the Ministry?" Minerva asked, surprised.

"I just had a nice little chat about my professional future with one of Fudge's bootlickers. Never mind."

"Believe us, we don't," Snape snarled and Minerva gave him another nasty gaze.

"Whiskey?" Aberforth asked.

"Yes, please," Lupin nodded and sank on the other stool next to Minerva. "So, I heard you had some trouble with Umbridge? Again?"

Minerva noticed his grin in the corner of her eyes and answered as composed as possible, "I wouldn't say I had trouble with her. You better ask Harry Potter what kind of trouble he caused for himself."

"I overheard a conversation between Fudge and Umbridge while I was hiding underneath Moody's invisibility cloak. I now know about the lifelong Quidditch ban among other things I don't wish to report."

"Why not?" Snape asked, now slightly curious.

"Because I don't want to lose my dinner," Remus looked as if he was about to be sick. "When I signed up for this, I didn't know it would include getting into Fudge's personal life like this." With utter disgust displayed on his face Lupin emptied his glass in a gulp and instantly ordered the next one.

"I see," Snape said, unimpressed while Minerva shivered. "No images," she told herself lowly and continued after clearing her throat. "Anyway, isn't it possible to stop this person? I know Albus thinks, she'll be gone by the end of the term, but honestly that's still so far away. She's already caused more damage than we all expected!"

"You mean she damaged Gryffindor more than you expected," Snape cut her off. "What brings me again to the question of _why_ she hates you so much." He pursed his lips again in the way that made her wanting to hex him.

"That's indeed a good question, Severus. One I know the answer to!" Lupin announced and almost choked his drink when Minerva shot an ugly look at him. "I told you the cloak is quite useful!" he said defensively and dried the spilled whiskey with his already dirty sleeve.

"Now I'm curious," Aberforth said with a wide grin that earned him a slap on his arm.

Lupin opened his mouth, but before he could voice his knowledge another rumbling sound disturbed the peaceful gathering.

"I guess it was wise of me not to make a fire tonight," Aberforth mumbled when Kingsley Shacklebolt throbbed the ashes off his colourful robe and fixed his hat. "But I should clean the chimney some day."

"Fudge's office?" Lupin asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No," Kingsley shock his head. "Percy Weasley. The boy's too busy running after Fudge to notice when somebody uses his chimney. Stupid brat."

"I guess we're complete then," Minerva said, hoping to establish some working atmosphere. "Dumbledore's asked me to apologize for his lack of absence, but the High Inquisitor demands access to old journal of the school governor's meetings. He thinks he's better around while she's digging up ancient history. Molly and Arthur won't make it either."

"True, true," Lupin agreed, "But before we start, we should finish our conversation about Umbridge." He grinned. "And wonder why a prominent member of our little, revolutionary society, never told us that she's known the unspeakable person in question beforehand."

"Are you completely out of your mind?" Minerva asked coldly.

"Oh come, Minvera. Why didn't you tell us, you've known Umbridge for over 40 years?" Remus asked.

"Because I didn't really know her. Can't say we met often and I can't say we got along very well on the few occasions we did."

"How's that?" Snape asked, pushing his glass again to Aberforth to get a refill. "You have a lot in common. You both were in Gryffindor and rumour has it you share the same patronus."

"Well, I'm not the only one in this room who has the same patronus as somebody else, am I?" she asked warningly and Snape fell silent.

"Anyway, when I sneaked into Fudge's office I passed two secretaries who were busy discussing the latest educational degree and guess what I heard?" Lupin continued, as if the little exchange between Snape and McGonagall never happened. "A long time ago when our dear transfiguration professor was ambitious and dashingly young – not that you aren't dashing and ambitious any more – she worked for the Ministry of Magic and had found her place in Department of Magical Law Enforcement where she was a colleague not only of our dearly overestimated and paranoid Minister of Magic - back then a young, ambitious bootlicker of the former Minster – no, she was also a colleague of Dolores Jane Umbridge who was not only older and much much more experienced, but also much less popular and a hopeless case in almost everything she did – except getting people sacked or killed."

Minerva rolled her eyes and stared at the ceiling, since she (correctly) assumed that Lupin wouldn't stop his ridiculous speech until he had exploited the matter to its fullest. She had almost forgotten that he wasn't the best friend of Sirius Black and James Potter for nothing.

"To make a long story short, Umbridge didn't like the newcomer who not only looked far better, and was much more intelligent than herself, but what drove her completely over the edge was the fact that their common boss by the beautiful name of Elphinstone Urquart took a great liking in his latest addition of staff. I don't have to mention that she always didn't respond very well to the fact that Minerva was soon offered a position that she would have loved to occupy, and didn't even get after Minerva had declined it. And it certainly didn't add any good that Mr. Urquart never gave up on purchasing his, let us say, reluctant, object of desire."

"You make it sound as if I've been acting like some brazen hussy that someone else's job and husband!" Minerva shot him a very nasty and dangerous look that Lupin tried to ignore as best as possible, though his cheeks blushed a bit while continued.

"I guess, in the end Dolores was only too happy to see Minerva leaving to teach in Hogwarts. And believe me, dear, she wasn't the only one." He finished his speech with a kiss on her cheek and added with a boyish grin, "We wouldn't want to have missed our flawless transfiguration teacher we owe so much!"

"Apparently she only taught you transfiguration while she greatly missed teaching you some sense of decency!" Lupin laughed when she pushed him away.

"Don't tell me," Snape snarled, "That we have endure Madame Umbridge's dilettante attempts of commanding our school, because you stole her boyfriend and her job." He raised his glass, silently ordering another refill. Aberforth who was listening with a wide grin the whole time opened a new bottle of whiskey and made it double for Snape who seemed even more annoyed than usually.

"You're really pushing it tonight, Severus, aren't you?" Minerva asked peevishly. "First of all Eliphinstone was never interested in her and second it wasn't my fault that the Department asked me first. I guess I was just... well, better in some things..." her voice trailed off when Lupin laughed.

"Nevertheless we can say, you're her Waterloo."

"Her what?" Aberforth asked dumbfounded.

"Muggle insider gag," Lupin explained swiftly.

"Ahhh," he nodded, but it was obvious that he didn't understand a word.

"Believe it or not, Minerva," Kingsley entered the conversation. "Madame Umbridge's grudge against you, is the fire for her cauldron. It's also not a big help that Fudge refused to have you fired. The old man likes you a lot, though right now he's doubting your common sense. Until today he thinks Dumbledore has hexed you."

"Utter rubbish!" Minerva said and wished she sat in her study, marking the homework of Longbottom or another hopeless case.

"Ah right. The inspections," Lupin remembered. "What _marks_ did you achieve?"

"Do you actually think I paid attention to the results of her inspection?" Minerva asked briskly. "I told Dumbledore to open it and he only chuckled when he read it. He seemed highly amused. For what reason ever."

"You really didn't read it?" Lupin asked, completely surprised.

"No." She pointed at Snape next to her. "Ask Professor Snape, if he read his."

"Severus?" Lupin asked and earned a nasty gaze. "I did not read it."

"Why would you?" Lupin mumbled.

"So do you intend to accomplish something useful today or is this just a cosy sit in between friends?" Aberforth asked. "Because if it is, I'll open the pub for everybody."

"Yes, I already hear them queuing outside, begging for entrance," Minerva quipped dryly.

"Be quiet, woman. Or I'll tell Rosmerta you prefer my firewhiskey over her gillywater!"

"Touchy, aren't we?"

Aberforth opened his mouth for a fitting retort, as Kingsley raised his hand, demanding, "Silence!"

Everybody froze. Everybody but Snape who lost balance on his stole and fell on the floor. Minerva gasped, rushed to him and searched for a pulse.

"Drunk," she decided after she had smelled his breath.

"So much for my watered drinks," Aberforth snarled, but Kingsley shook his head and placed his index finger on his lips.

Nobody moved, while they listened intensely to every noise. Then everybody heard it. A rustling in the chimney, falling ashes, dust and Kingsley ordered, "Apparate! Now!"

With a wave of his wand Aberforth let the used glasses disappear, and with two loud plops Kingsley and Lupin were gone, leaving a stunned Minerva, an annoyed Aberforth, and a very drunken Snape behind.

"Brilliant!" Minerva groaned, but before she could gather momentum, she heard something yelling, and a dusty but nevertheless pink ravel crashed onto the floor before the fireplace.

"Dolores!?" Minerva was almost speechless. And realized that she had a problem. Snape lay to her feet, completely drunk, and she was stood with Aberforth in his deserted pub. Now how to explain that?

Minerva watched Umbridge getting on her feet far from willing to assist her while Aberforth continued polishing his dirty glasses.

"What is going on here?" Umbridge asked, so shaken up that she almost forgot to smile her sweet toad smile.

"Excuse me?" Minerva asked. "I'm having a drink." She raised a glass that Aberforth had quickly passed over to her.

"But you're alone."

"As a matter of fact I'm not."

"I'm here – and a few minutes ago he was here as well." Aberforth pointed at the passed out Snape on the floor.

"But...," Umbridge gasped.

"But the pub is closed tonight and you have no business in being here!" Aberforth snapped angrily. "As if it isn't enough that this love sick fool begs me to give him a bottle of firewhiskey. Now, the freak passes out and I need to call someone for help! Bloody teachers."

"But more people were here!" Umbridge said, her voice now sounding stronger. "I saw them leaving in the...," she broke off and started searching the place.

"Nobody is here, Dolores," Minerva stated in her coolest of voice. "When I arrived a few minutes ago, only Professor Snape was here."

Minerva pointed at Snape, hoping he wouldn't wake up too soon. He would surely jinx them the moment, when he realized he had been their involuntary alibi, but she couldn't say, she felt great compassion for him, since he had gotten drunk all by himself.

"And what did Professor Snape want?" Umbridge asked, while she inspected every corner of the taproom with a disgusted look.

"A drink, as I told you," Aberforth answered grumpily. "But he never agreed much with firewhiskey. Bloody fool. And since the Headmaster was too busy to collect his potion master, I needed to call someone else."

"And your choice fell on Professor McGonagall. How interesting," Dolores chirped.

"As you might recall I'm the Deputy Headmistress," Minerva reminded her with something that was meant to be smile.

"Ah yes, and it belongs to your duties to take care of drunken teachers?"

"You have no idea what my profession really involves, Dolores."

"Right now I only see it involves socializing with two men in a lonely pub, Minerva."

Aberforths' eyes winced between both women and, highly anticipating the moment, in which one would pull out their wand, but nothing happened.

"Aberforth," Minerva said coldly, with her eyes fixed on Umbridge. "Would you please tell Albus that Professor Snape will sleep here while the High Inquisitor and I will take a long, slow walk back to the Castle. There's no need to worry about our safety."

"Well...," Aberforth mumbled. "You want me to drag Snape up in a guest room."

"Precisely, Mr Dumbledore."

"Hm, sure, Professor."

Realizing she had (for now) no jurisdiction outside Hogwarts and no chance to get more information from Minerva or the strange, grumpy barman, Umbridge drew a deep breath and said,"I won't wander around in the darkness with you, Minerva. It's raining."

"Well, then use the fireplace. I prefer getting wet."

Minerva watched Umbridge while her eyes witched between the fireplace and the closed pub door. Heavy rain was hitting the window and when she looked again at Minerva her decision was clear.

"I'll take my chances, Minerva," Umbridge said with a wide smile. "And don't worry about the Headmaster. I'll inform him about your and Professor Snape whereabouts."

"That's so kind of you," Minerva answered while buttoning her cloak.

"He'll want to know how his teachers spend their nights – and so will Corneli... The minister."

Minerva watched her as she vanished in the fireplace, leaving back a cloud of pink ashes.

"So, that was Umbridge...," Aberforth resumed after a minute of silence. "I wonder why your husband didn't like her."

"Oh shut up, you old fool!" Minerva hit his lower arm that was busy refilling her glass with whiskey and as a result he spilled the liquid all over the bar.

"I was only joking," he laughed and watched her with raised eyebrows when she unbuttoned her cloak again.

"I take you'll stay here as well," he said.

"Yes, that was my intention," she answered, before she took a slow sip from her drink.

"It's been some time, Professor McGonagall."

"The year's been busy so far. But if you want, I can leave..." her green eyes pierced his over the edge of her glass.

"There's no need to leave. I think I can manage having two guests over night."

"As long as Severus won't receive the same attention as I do."

Aberforth's lips formed to a smile, as he took her glass and emptied it himself. Then he leaned over and his lips met hers in a long, tender kiss.

"I'll take the sot to a room far away from mine," Aberforth mumbled against her lips.

"And I'll get the gillywater," she answered lowly.

"Tacky, aren't we?"

"Just a bit."

They kissed again, but were interrupted by a low groan and drove apart. Snape was waking up.

"Look, who's still alive," Aberforth joked and helped the potions master up on his feet. Snape who was too unsteady to walk alone, faltered threateningly against Minerva while Aberforth pushed his arm around his own shoulder to stabilize him.

"How... do... you... know?"

"Excuse me?" Minerva asked and winced annoyed when a breeze of Snape's boozy breath hit her.

"My patronus..."

"Long story, but never mind, Severus. I won't tell anyone about your feelings for James. Aberforth take him to bed!"

 **The End**


End file.
